I love you papa.. I miss you so much..

I pray that you will be at peace wherever you are. We will try to be okay without you though it's so hard to live each day now that you're gone. I've tried to run over my head a million times what had transpired since 4th of November, 2012, but I cannot come to accept that you are gone. Since that 3 AM call and our lives was changed. Changed forever. I am grieving for you Brother. I see you in my head alive and talking, laughing, joking...No matter what I do, I cannot stop thinking about you. They say that people have their own way of coping over a lost love one. And maybe this is my way. I cannot do less. Everyday, I wake up, do things, work, talk, laugh, but my hear is in pain. really in pain. Full of longing. If only. If only time can be recalled. If only that accident never happened at all. If only...

I will always miss you Toto. My heart and my thoughts are full of your memories. If this is a period of grief, I don't know when will I ever get over this. The roaring voice that announce your presence, the laugh, the smile, the stories, the jokes, your videoke singing, the small but meaningful chats together, anywhere, even your pranks. even just the way you look at us, you talk to us. So Unforgettable. It's really hard to let you go, some people may not understand, but it's really hard. Now, I understand why some people will do anything possible, for a chance to hear or talk to someone gone. The question keep boggling in my head, are your really gone. why? A thousand times in your grave, I have told God that I am letting you go, we are letting you go. Surrendering you to him, but your memories are so fresh. So alive in my head. You c can't be dead, You are not gone. If ever possible, just let us know that your are okay. That you are not lonely. That you have accepted your fate. Maybe that way, we will be okay also. Knowing that you are fine and happy. Rest assured, we will never forget you. Never. I love you.